Wandering

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

I really want to focus on the first stanza (it didn’t feel right to separate them).  It was taken (as duly noted above) from an excerpt of Tolkien’s book, The Fellowship of the Ring.  I’m feeling rather blue and rather nauseous, and I had a little mini text conversation with M in which I got a little fight.  It made me think of how far apart we’ve grown, how defensive we’ve become.  And that saddens me deeply.  The first stanza describes how I feel about our relationship. 

     Friends are some of the most important things in life.  They keep you going through thick and thin.  They’ll be the parasites that latch onto your couches and borrow copious amounts of your stuff, or bother you at the strangest (and at times most inconvenient) of hours.  They have the ability to break your heart, to fix it, to comfort and to push you in the right (or wrong) directions.  Friends enrich your life.  And M has enriched mine.

     One of the biggest reasons for me moving to California is M and Seth.  I am rather confused about my feelings about Seth and M at this point in my life.  I am leaving to see how I feel when I put space between me and Seth.  I already know that feeling with M and although I will live anywhere from 20 minutes or two hours, I will be on my own.  And I will go to school for something that has always pleased me.  And I will have that dream of sustaining myself, out in the world wandering all by my lonesome.  I think that lifestyle suits me.  I want to travel and there is so much one can do if we remember to take a few little steps outside our doorway every day.

     An open eye to the future, as I transition back into the Fool of the tarot I see many paths unwinding in front of me.  And the one I see that I am most at peace with is an image of me sitting at a small table in my dining room of my apartment, listening to the sounds surrounding me and just breathing in my lonesomeness, and my tranquility.  I could open up my door to whomever I wanted.  I could close it whenever I wanted and that suited me.  There are those periods when you need to take time for yourself.  I sometimes apply that perhaps much more liberally than some of my much warm-hearted friends may like.  I could decorate however I liked – open up that Yoshi shrine like I wanted.  But I have a feeling that there will always be an air underneath my feet lifting me to different avenues and adventures.  So, in the next ten or so years, we will see where my words and dreams and ambitions have carried me. 

     Now, for the second stanza because it is lovely:  take a fire in your spirit and brandish your weapon.  Strike forward and take the world by storm!  Not every day need be a cause, but it should be lived in honor of your dreams and your memories.  Seize the way!  Not all who wander are lost.

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