It’s funny. I feel like being real with myself in an attempt to hopefully cure some problems that ail me at this point in my life. Ails me. How ironic.
As I sit here writing I’m currently feeling under the weather and have been for a couple of days now. At first I experienced some problems with my sinuses which really isn’t that uncommon. But then my throat starting feeling tender and the next day it hurt. Though to be honest, coughing tends to irritate your throat if you do it enough. The day after I spend now trying various things to soothe my aching throat. Talking came out much harsher and harder than previous days and the first few words spent were on my roommate headed out the door for a job. I didn’t speak for the rest of the day until after I ordered some pizza online, avoiding the tomato sauce and acidic things, and even then it was more mouthing than anything. My poor confused delivery boy. After a few bites and swallows of water I tried to speak some words like “Hello” which was hard to produce. And I sounded absolutely ridiculous. So coarse and raw. I spent the whole day silently laughing to myself. When my roommate finally came back he came back with our friend. I was surprised and they spent a good time teasing me which was all in good humor. It made my day feel less lonely and crummy because there was a laughable quality to it all.
Then we traveled to Walmart. I wanted soup. Hot and Sour because I loved the taste and it was soup. Our friend also suggested some yogurt to help keep my immune system up (good thing I actually really love the taste of yogurt) and I ran into a former coworker and her husband twice. Such a beautiful couple! Happy, healthy and they suggested some lozenges branded Chloraseptic. Maximum dose! My throat was killing me. I wanted to cry at some points while we were there because it hurt so much and there was little else I could do. I think perhaps I had tried speaking to much when they had arrived.
Now that I am back home and chilling on my laptop I think back to the hiring sign I saw at Pizza hut. It’s not far from where I used to work. Part of me thinks that I would at least be good at that job but I also fear that I will dismissed because I won’t fit in. It really gets to me and I need that to stop because it’s interfering with me functioning as a healthy individual. I mean, I have to pay rent among other things, you know? This month is covered and if I buy absolutely nothing, I will have more than enough for next month too. But I need a job. Part of me thinks back to the post I saw about not staying in a job you hated and that the worst that could happen if you tried something new was failure. Gosh, that’s not such a good word to hear. People pick those moments out of you if they want to tear you down too. Maybe instead of lovely Taco Bell I’ll shoot for Pizza Hut and try to be a decent server.
I’m behind on papers, or rather forms, for school as well. I should really work on that because they keep calling me (which really doesn’t help because I can’t really speak). I got a good start and realized dude, I know everything for the others. I just have to print them off and mail them out. I’ll probably send my high school transcripts with them too because bother, the ones I sent in were a bad copy.
All my complaints of the day. So for now, I will focus on the fact that the person I love is happy at the moment, despite wanting to shake the winter weight I’m feeling rather comfortable with my 182. There’s something about a little extra poundage that really is helping keeping me warm right now, and fluffy! And I’m getting back into the habit of writing every day. Something. Even if it kind of sucks to hear what I say when I read it back to myself. Have to keep journaling somehow.