Category Archives: Education

All forms of learning.

Financial Aid After Dropping Out

Heads up guys!

So, fun story, last semester I signed up for classes for Spring 2015.  Even though I had already decided to drop out (again) at the time I was so invigorated by the idea that maybe I just need to stick to it!  Which sort of backfired on me as I instantly felt regret when I confirmed my attendance as well.  Please don’t be like me and forget that you did until the last moment when suddenly, school is around the corner.  I walked in, trying to be brave, and had to physically unregister from the semester.  Oddly enough, this was painless part.  Until they asked me to go to the Student Success Center and have an interview.  Why?!

The secretary was nice enough and slid me this blue sheet which I used to perform a self-interview on why I was dropping out.  That wasn’t hard, and I did make light of the situation in a way by responding, “If I had wanted it more then maybe I wouldn’t have been more motivated to stay,” to “… is there anything the individual, or the school, could have done to…” to basically say otherwise.  Ye-yuh for bad break-up replies.  Hopefully that doesn’t come back to bite me.  Goodness, please no.

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3rd day of the semester for the students.  I receive a letter as I am literally walking out to pick up my laundry downstairs.  It is from my old uni and about the refund I got several days ago (almost a week).  Apparently I’ve no claim to it and they would like their money back.  Not going to lie, I was a little dumbstruck.  A lot of questions ran through my mind: for example, why did they give me the refund in the first place?  Why don’t I have any claim?  And so on.  Like rage mashing a button for the anger welling up inside me.  Mostly because I had already spent the money on bills, paying off some of my debts, and taking a generous portion to donate into my savings because I need an emergency fund.  Everyone needs an emergency fund.

Thankfully I sorted it out (had to call in some aid from my parents).  This is what I am advising all dropouts make sure is done:

– please talk to Financial Aid, especially if you pulled out loans.  Should be a no-brainer but eh…

– make sure you are officially unregistered

– DO NOT TOUCH THE REFUND

– seek counseling if you need it.  Hard and unpleasant business, leaves you muddy feeling.

Short, simple.  Get it done.  Unlike me who waited forever.  Make sure you are up to date on all school charges.  It can be bull, and it won’t be fun but reward yourself.  Like by eating chocolate.  Lots of chocolate…

P.S.  With all this debt and managing money, doesn’t it seem like that if you could drop your current identity and all debt attached to it seem a lot easier?

College Dropout

Ouch, even typing that made me feel terrible.

It’s a shame really – I feel so guilty for wanting to drop out.  It would be the second time and I never fixed what was the problem in the first place:  me.  That makes it sound really negative.  At this point in my life I don’t think I am ready for college and the commitment it holds.  Never mind the fact that I’ve spent about 6 semesters in, am a junior, and switched majors several times.  What sticks out is that I’ve felt the same:  I never wanted to go.  Not only that, I dragged myself through five of those semesters and though I did pretty good in the beginning, there’s not enough heart for me to continue on.  If I could recommend anything to myself it’d come with this icky word called Discipline.  Which I’m lacking.

Since I was a child, if I didn’t want to do something I didn’t do it.  That’s pretty true as an “adult” now (geez, I’m only 22) but I still get up and do chores because it’s become important to me.  College hasn’t been any different.  I feel pressured to get a degree – but in what?  I have no idea.  I’m not ready to decide because I want to do so many things right now.  Like write, and draw.  Actually, I’ve been wanting to do both those things for a long time and I don’t necessarily need a degree for either of them.  I guess it’d help but they are personal and are not helped by spending myself into debt.

So far my motivations are a cumulation of several things:

– money

– desire

– focus

– discipline

I don’t think I am a terrible person, but emotionally I feel like a traitor.  Like a rebel who’s throwing the bird to the people I care about and care about me.  I’m not saying college is a bad investment; just for me.  I thought that if I took some time off I would realign myself and all I noticed while I wasn’t at school was that I had a lot of free time.  That somehow, was ridiculously frightening.  All that time and what did I do?  I slept a lot, dollied around.  I honestly can’t remember too much of it.  But I only got depressed with myself because I realized that I wasn’t being productive.  Actually my heart hurts because I actually like my professors.  I don’t want to let them down.  But I also want my reason for going to school to come from within me, not the people around me.  As much as some people might look down on me for dropping out there are some things I’d much rather be doing.

Spend your days doing things you love.  Be productive in your generosity and help others as much as possible.  Take breaks.  Stand by your decisions (which is kind of tough for me on this college biz).  Be able to remind yourself of the value of your investments and know when it is time to pull out.

Good luck to you all.

March of Death by Tests

Three more days…

I didn’t write anything last night which broke my forming a habit.  I wasn’t very near a trustworthy source (nor was I of completely sound mind).

It’s finals week.  It’s finally started and I’ve come to noticed I have slacked on my duties.  A bit.  Today, as of this moment, I am preparing myself mentally for a Friday night at a local restaurant that’s taken me in.  I’ve been working there for six months.  Interestingly enough the only part that unnerves me about my assignment here is the tedious amounts of work.  I am chatting with my bunk mate who is play the new DMC – I wonder if there are game to make the sequels on the next generation of consoles.  This so far has been my only solace.  That and the newly acquainted liquors and beers that have been poured into my soul.

This past Wednesday I went to the pub with a friend that I had been putting of seeing for quite some time.  I felt awkward and embarrassed because this was the friend my other friend was trying to hook me up with.  I mentioned it, laughed a little which might have come off as quite akin to a bitch (but really, I was laughing at something else) and told him it would not work out – he wasn’t my type.  Which he very well isn’t.  He was flustered, as expected.  Asked me why that was so and if he wasn’t good enough for me in a slight joking tone.  Maybe that was to take a bit of the sting out.  I only repeated, you’re not my type.  I can’t remember if I said the words, “I don’t like you like that”.  I hope so.  I had drank enough to have slight lapses in memory – not that that is hard for me.  But he did call me a lightweight – after a nice full glass of wine at home, a glass of Woodchuck, an Irish Pancake, a White Russian and a glass of Smithwicks.  I paced myself well and was feeling delightful and accepted friend’s offer to return to his bunking with his roommates and chill for he had just gotten notice that it was one of their birthdays.  We stopped at a gas station, bought more beer and I let him drink the rest as we watched a movie with his roommates.  I guess he had gotten over the hurt because I was there until four in the morning.  I insisted I walk myself back, I felt more apt to enjoy my own company.

Then on Thursday, or last night for me, I went to a photo reception for what ended up being several friends – including a girl in the sorority who was intent on celebrating her graduation (all her finals were finished) and to make up for the fact she had been hired at an awesome job.  We were going to eat at the Lucky’s 13 Pub, which I was totally down for, and return to her hotel room to chill in the hot tub, which sounded lovely but I was tired. I hadn’t planned on staying but I gave into peer pressure and after one Dos Equis, two shots of Morgan we were headed out the door with my roommate on call to pick up more alcohol (none of us were minors – no worries) and I had a nice cup full of Kracken.  And that was almost the last drink of the night.  One more was had, an Angry Orchard at two or so in the morning. Then we ventured out into the pool/hot tub area and I was in heaven.  I jumped into the pool after I noticed the Kraken had just started to hit me.  But the pool…  At a quarter to nine it was so lovely.  I missed the water so!  I swam until it was time to go and into a Midnight Breakfast at school.  Very misleading title.  But I was feeling so good and didn’t care I was going in my bathing suit or the fact I had lost my contacts in the pool.  It was so great!

But then I came home and realized dear me, the party was not quite over.  Hence I was very game to enjoy myself more.  I played some games.  And had my last drink and went to bed, out of my mind tired.  And when I woke up at 7:34 in the morning having to pee really bad and so thirsty… I slept on and on.  Well I tried.

Fun.

War on Tests, Second Passage

Winter has settled in and temperatures are dropping.  Local meteorologists claim that this week will be nothing short of an iced over hell.  I sort of miss the warmth of last week.  Hopefully things will perk up.

Otherwise things are not looking so good.  The snow and chill is getting to me, making me cold and tired.  Right now I feel as I suppose a bear would, getting ready for hibernation.  Perhaps I shall hibernate to and come out when the sun is shining for longer than eight hours a day.

We are a week away from finals.  A simple seven days after tonight passes.  Preparations have been slow and dampened by the weather but supplies for my next assignment have come in.  Unfortunately today I was informed by courier that the papers I sent in confirming my graduation from secondary school indicated that I did not graduate.  Which is of course ridiculous:  why else would I be here?  Of the five official forms I had apparently they received the only copy that was messed up.  Now I must call and inform them of the mistake and make sure they get another correct, copy.  Otherwise I am left to figure out finances and tertiary enrollment transcripts.

I can see my breath in the air.

The War Begins

Day 1:  15 days left

Hell week.  A dreadful week for most of my fellow classmates.  Have they prepared any or are they like me willing to leave enough up to chance?

I do not know.  I’ve not seen the proctor’s of my tests for weeks now.  For now, I am fine with that but within these words I will divulge my grand scheme for passing my finals.

– clean and prepare dwelling for heavy fire

– schedule and completely leisure times so as not to get completely wrapped up in war

– learn the whereabouts of finals

– determine the weapons that will be employed

– eat food

– drink tea

– determine days of attack

– kick ass, neglect taking names

– sleep

My only regret is the inevitability of other matters appearing in my life making this assault more arduous than need be.  Errands to run for different companies will surely bog down the times I will dedicate to studying my enemies.  But they should fear me nonetheless!  Preparations have gone well indeed and closer I edge toward making my transfer complete.  There’s still some paperwork left here and there but I will not miss this land as much as I thought.

The shaky internet connections has corrupted and claimed the minds of the young, the innocent.  People rage as their ability to remain competent is stolen.  I can only pray that my own connections that I have built through different sources outweighs the universal bad luck of relying too heavily on technology.

Preparations…  The first stage is almost complete.  I shall soon have my room ready and equipped with the necessary tools to help me succeed.  Such is the way of a smart warrior!

Coffee Break: College Is Not For Everyone

Today I was talking to a very good friend of mine.  He’s Canadian (not that I have anything against Canada – the more I learn about the country the more I fall in love with it.  Not the point.  End of this tangent!) and full of experiences that I very much needed to hear.  I always known he had dropped out of college and during this little dessert time (which needs to be a major thing for everyone) I asked him why.  Finally.

I’ve been struggling in college.  I’ve written about it some but I don’t think I ever got to the heart of the problem or the major cause of turmoil.  There are many things I have loved about college – social life, growth in personal matters, increasing independence, and freedom (which I suppose is related to the previous one).  But there are a lot of things that have hurt.  Academically, I’m pretty much failing.

So he shared his story which I will shameless share:  my friend had taken his dad’s advice and gone straight to college after high school.  But in his heart what he had wanted was to take a break from schooling and travel and just live.  It reminded me of what I wanted.  He told me he went into college and pretty much drew “a major from a hat” and partied all the time because he didn’t want to go to school.  Eventually he dropped out and joined the military and while there he learned something valuable:  he wanted to get back into college.  I nearly leaped out of my seat.  I jumped and said to him, “You know how you were then, right?  That’s how I am now!”  I needed someone to connect to, even if the person in my nearest sights is actually three years younger than I am.

Reality checks.  College is for a certain population.  Be ready.  Some times we will make mistakes (like me) and that you need to know it’s ohk to make those mistakes as long as you learn from them like I am continually learning from mine.  As much as I would like to give up and throw in the towel, I know that even with a degree in anything I can still accomplish one dream of a younger me:  travel to Korea, a land which I feel so connected and disconnects, and live there. I have friends that love and care for me that help check me so that I don’t completely dive off the cliff side.  But allow just enough slack to let me travel into some really interesting areas.
How about you guys?

High School

I was creeping on some of my old high school classmates and you know what I’ve noticed?  Some of them have gotten so much more attractive!  The ugly ducklings have now become beautiful swans.  But the most important thing was to see where some of them were working.

Some people are right where you thought they’d be.  Some people surprise you with where they ended up.  You are proud for them.  And at the same time, you are wondering to yourself (or I am to myself) where am I?  Am I where I am supposed to be?  Am I doing the things I need to?  Would I be proud of myself?

I’ve found that meditation on these thoughts helps keep me in perspective.  I can trace my progress in thoughts and examine if I am taking the right course.  Looking back on the past can really help put your future and your present in a much needed lens.  Have there been useful ways for you to re-evaluate your plans?

Disappointment

I was sitting down for my tutoring hours waiting for no one to come when two classmates of mine appeared, one after the other.

They both asked me if I was still in my Cell and Molec class to which I replied, “Technically yes.”  I just don’t go to class anymore and I do urge those still sane people, this is a bad idea.  The first was Classmate One and he sat down and spared a moment for a chat to get a feel for what was going on:  a tutor buddy had told him that I was changing majors which I repeated to him and I could see the strangest view in his eyes.  He seemed… awfully disappointed in me.  Much like my adviser had shown me when I told her.  It led to a lot of questions about why and how I am going to make money and such things that are important in life.  The second was Classmate Two and he asked me in a cautious and caring tone, “What the hell is going on?”  He meant it as in, “Are you all right?  Do you need help?”  I can’t explain enough how much I hate going to class and how this is draining me to be ohk with their looks.  Classmate Two was far kinder in expression though.  On the inside though, rage boiled. In some ways I felt that they were looking at me for the loss of potential and they had thought so little of my new area of study.  They thought so little of art as being worthy of study.  And this saddened me deeply.

15:30 came quickly, not before I escaped the thought of crying.  Who else was I letting down?  Who was close to me that felt I needed to snap out of it and keep on chugging on?

I decided to visit the DC Booth Fish Hatchery with two precious friends:  my roommate and Seth.  I stood outside the balcony of my apartment complex and told Seth about my experience with Classmate One and asked, “Why are people so disappointed?”  Seth said simply, “Because you are good at it.  But you know what?  It’s your life.”  And that was one of the best things I had heard all day.  The other was from beloved friend M (who had replied to, “What are you afraid is going to happen?”) that she worried I might not be independent when I needed to be.  I needed to hear that too.

College is a difficult institution for me.  I’ve not wanted to go.  I had actually not intended on it.  I chose to accept what my mom wanted for me and in turn, here I am.  Do I regret the experiences I have had so far?  No, not really.  What I regret is not being a strong enough person to fit into college.  I can feel it in my bones from a conversation I had with my friend John who spoke to me dearly about his let downs and out-of-place experiences in our town and university.  He said he needed to leave and was taking some time and I tried to caution him never to lose passion for fear that we may wither into nothingness if we both weren’t careful.  I need a break, I need to do something for me and that includes pursuing a different course.

Otherwise, my depression will eat me alive.

Transferring

(What a chore!)

I had always heard that there was so much paperwork involved when you transferred between colleges… but I hadn’t really thought of it.  More or less because I never thought I would transfer out!  There’s requesting an official transcript of your old college to send to your new one!  There’s the worrying about crossing over of credits – which at least 24 credits of mine are transferring out to a school in California (awesome sauce) – there’s the figuring out of financial aid in situations like mine when you transfer between aid award terms (which is messy), and then there’s what do you do with yourself?

I would really like to drop out.  So many people are rooting for me to finish this year and semester out.  I feel obliged and I want to do them proud for having known a person like me.  I hope that for those of you who are transferring, the process grinds on smoothly.  : 3  Take care!

First Few Steps

Today I’ve started registration for the next semester and talked to my admissions counselor.  My next steps include talking to Financial Aid and taking out loans (very likely) to cover the cost on my online classes as well as the supplies needed.  Man, I sometimes forget about how expensive it is to be an art major.  Seriously.

I’ll need to purchase around a 100 dollars in art supplies.

I’ve made a slight adjustment to my plan.  I realize that I would be happy drawing in general:  so I’m choosing an Illustration major to open up more time (possibly) in my life so I can do other things.  It makes me so happy.  : 3  But I am on the way!!  Wish me luck.

Now on another topic.  To reveal a little more:  I attend Black Hills State University in Spearfish, SD as a Biology Education Major with a minor in Chemistry.  This is my fifth semester and I’ve already earned approximately 70 credits.  Yes, I am most definitely a junior in my college.  And what I’ve found is that since I broke up with my ex-fiance which is the major reason I came to this college, I can’t force myself to want something I don’t.  I enjoy Biology but I don’t enjoy sitting in the labs and the idea of spending a good portion of my life there really hurts me emotionally.  Because I am an emotional person!  I’ve not been to a lot of my classes recently.  There’s very little desire left in me to see them because (I’ve used this word a lot in this post) I’m changing my major.  Though I should endeavor to actually obtain good grades and finish this semester.  For financial reasons.

Follow your heart!