Today I was paid many praises and compliments.
Recently I had told a friend of mine that I had thought about withdrawing from school this semester. My stubborn hide can’t really force myself to do something that I don’t want. He wished to convince me that the best path would be to finish all of my classes – and to this he told me of my great potential: I have beautiful entrancing eyes (not his words but will suffice for meaning), attractive, intelligent, and relatability. If I didn’t know before, I know now. Or at least to some degree that I indeed have a lot of power over people. I had forgotten that and minimized my ability to have people walk in sync to my rhythm. I still think of withdrawing, the only downside in my mind is financial. But hearing that, there was a strange dream revived – to build a network of contacts and to enter a political realm where I may be able to put myself to some good use for society and myself.
I slowly thought, what if I got an Associates from the Academy of Art in San Francisco and instead got a psych degree with a biology minor here at BHSU? Saying this now I feel more inclined to keep a Bachelor’s in Illustration and study in my spare time all those other subjects that I couldn’t bear to receive a grade for. I have many psych majors for friends… smart ones too. Maybe they’ll teach me a few things about people, their interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships and I can connect a few dots on my own. And maybe I will write a comic about it.
Today M told me that if I wanted to be with him I would need a career because he has to think about taking care of his kid on the way. In that moment I realized, I still loved him very much and loved that he had matured to such a point. I hope he and I keep growing. Maybe one day again our paths will intertwine.
Compliments are special. My friend Steve’s made me ponder ambition and game. It was thrilling to hear such wonderful things about myself and I am going to put it to the test with some of my other friends. I wonder if it’s true! A long while ago, I was taught how to give a compliment. There’s a little trick to it: sincerity. If you’re not being genuine, it comes out. And at that time while I learned how to give a compliment (still haven’t learned much on how to take one) I’d learned to give them often. There’s something beautiful about the way people’s eyes light up when they hear the truth in your words. Sometimes it makes their day. Be honest: haven’t you ever gotten a compliment you couldn’t stop thinking about? You told your friends about? Ones that made you smile? So here’s a compliment that can’t be spared: you give the best hugs. Whoever in the world you are. Let that empower you, like it empowers me so that we may help raise each other up.
(What a chore!)
I had always heard that there was so much paperwork involved when you transferred between colleges… but I hadn’t really thought of it. More or less because I never thought I would transfer out! There’s requesting an official transcript of your old college to send to your new one! There’s the worrying about crossing over of credits – which at least 24 credits of mine are transferring out to a school in California (awesome sauce) – there’s the figuring out of financial aid in situations like mine when you transfer between aid award terms (which is messy), and then there’s what do you do with yourself?
I would really like to drop out. So many people are rooting for me to finish this year and semester out. I feel obliged and I want to do them proud for having known a person like me. I hope that for those of you who are transferring, the process grinds on smoothly. : 3 Take care!
Aunt Flow is quite evil. Even the cramping is not so bad but when it comes with the rush of hormones that have an adverse affect on my emotions and moods (birth control dampens it nowadays)… it becomes slightly unbearable. Especially when the option to kill the urge that’s been eating at you constantly for more than six months is pestering you at every mental bend and turn.
Ahem. I convinced my friends Seth and Arb to go to a sex shop with me in a nearby town. That was my second visit ever to a sex shop and shan’t be my last! (I signed up for a rewards card – I mean… they sold really fun… things). There are some important things to know about this trip: 1) Seth got a shout out on our college confessions page, 2) He was swimming in it. It was actually pretty endearing. Back on scene. Location! right next to a Chinese restaurant to which I couldn’t help but crack really dirty jokes about. Hard not to! Stepping inside, it wasn’t so bad for a South Dakota. It had a nice little layout and some really friendly employees who made me feel rather welcome and not weird. Because even though I view sex as a natural urge there are still times when I become incredibly shy… especially when I’m around some people whom I am not used to knowing anything about my sexual preferences. Though if prompted with a question I normally answer without a second thought. Off topic! (That happens). I walked around. And sheepishly looked at all the dildos. And thought… “Wow, I haven’t had sex with a guy in such a long time… I better get something on the smaller side…” So I did, but not after wincing at some of the sizes that were in stock.
I made it out with a 5.5, after trying some flavored lube, reading snippets of some books I really regret not getting. It was a rather good experience. I’m going to go back!
Now the whole point of me telling you about Seth’s shoutout was because as soon as we walked in the store and an employee checked our IDs, she freaked out, recalled the confession and made Seth’s life.
Let’s end on a positive note: sex shops are good fun! Go visit them if you’re 18+.
Today I’ve started registration for the next semester and talked to my admissions counselor. My next steps include talking to Financial Aid and taking out loans (very likely) to cover the cost on my online classes as well as the supplies needed. Man, I sometimes forget about how expensive it is to be an art major. Seriously.
I’ll need to purchase around a 100 dollars in art supplies.
I’ve made a slight adjustment to my plan. I realize that I would be happy drawing in general: so I’m choosing an Illustration major to open up more time (possibly) in my life so I can do other things. It makes me so happy. : 3 But I am on the way!! Wish me luck.
Now on another topic. To reveal a little more: I attend Black Hills State University in Spearfish, SD as a Biology Education Major with a minor in Chemistry. This is my fifth semester and I’ve already earned approximately 70 credits. Yes, I am most definitely a junior in my college. And what I’ve found is that since I broke up with my ex-fiance which is the major reason I came to this college, I can’t force myself to want something I don’t. I enjoy Biology but I don’t enjoy sitting in the labs and the idea of spending a good portion of my life there really hurts me emotionally. Because I am an emotional person! I’ve not been to a lot of my classes recently. There’s very little desire left in me to see them because (I’ve used this word a lot in this post) I’m changing my major. Though I should endeavor to actually obtain good grades and finish this semester. For financial reasons.
Follow your heart!
Perhaps it really just boils down to what little passion I did have for my area of study no longer serves me in the continuation of my studies. I’ve sat on this for nearly two whole years and here I am suffering in my fifth semester. Currently I am a Biology Education student with a Chemistry minor, and I have completed enough of my major to actually have a minor in it.
This entire semester, I’ve been pitching the idea to my friends that I am thinking of changing my major. I have found a few people who are excited as I am for the prospect of changing my major. Some aren’t. I’ve been asked about why am I changing my mind so late in the game. And I couldn’t tell you how much that actually hurt to hear. But I remained steadfast and gave this reasoning: I am unhappy, and I have no passion for what I am doing right now. The words sounded good, they resounded in my mind. It possessed the quality of sounded of what a confident me would have said. For the friends that were sympathetic and shared my dream of doing what I dreamed of doing, I am eternally grateful. My dear friend John gave me just enough of the push in the right direction to start this new path.
And from this diversion, I walked onto another road which was laced with more bends and turns that I had known before. Suddenly, the future of living with my ex-fiance has come back into view. My childhood dream of becoming a part of a development team for a video game is back into view. Moving to another state when (as a friend’s mother puts it) my gypsy blood is boiling has come back into view. So many interesting things are happening because I am taking steps forward in my life.
In my heart, I also know that if I do not completely succeed, that if I don’t go into designing the characters for the video games I want. But the fact that I am going to try is going to is so uplifting. And there’s a chance I may end up with my ex-fiance (which is a hot topic in my life) and that won’t be botched by my pursuing this. There are so many opportunities. I can more openly express my religion and find the materials needed to practice my paganism. But it feels right. Even though I will be leaving behind some wonderful friends, I am going to try and hold onto them!
Recently I got a call from a school that I had requested some info from. It’s been mentioned in another post. An admissions rep called me and it was a very productive conversation that left me feeling very positive.